January 1st 2026

Introduction

As of writing this, it's unfortunantely 1:00 am on January 2nd. I meant to start this earlier but for any meaningful reasons who cares. I'm genuinely excited towards the idea of accomplishing everything thats kept me up at night for the last several years. I'll finally have a license, my own car, my own place to live, my own income, and so much more. Although, I find it difficult to get my thoughts down in writing or text. I've dissociated for so long that they no longer feel coherent. I spend more time than I'd like to admit on remanising over plightful memories from when I was younger. I didn't used to just enjoy my interests, I'd go out of my way to pursue them. Fencing, DJing, and caligraphy were all hobbies I wish I'd continued. I'm hoping this year I can spend enough time unfucking my brain to not only be successful but maybe enjoy it aswell. Starting off 2026 while sick and with ignored messages meant for people I thought to care for makes for an unpleasant state of mind. To me, this is just the continuation of my streak of negative luck I've received for whatever I've done to deserve my current situation whether its my own fault or not. I plan to read more, learn a new language, learn piano, and make real progress towards my creative interests alongside my proffessional endevours. Less thinking, more visible outcome. No more pettiful information gathering. No more relying on others. No matter how many times I fail nor how long it takes, I will finally achieve everything. Start small, scale fast. 2026 will be the year I experience all thats left to offer. I'll be 19 in March of this year, looking forward to that too. 19 will be my best redemption offer at enjoying any of my teenage years, I'm grateful yet exhausted at the same time, which I don't expect to change anytime soon. I imagine the year to be filled with embarrasments necessary to build my foundation.

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